I’m gay. So what.
March 13th, 2008
I found the camera cable–or rather, my dear sweet boyfriend found it, in amongst his various electronic cables. Ahem. So the promised pictures are coming very soon.
You know, I take for granted that all of you read the previous paragraph and are still reading, rather than shuddering and fleeing to someone else’s site or closing the browser entirely and rushing away from the computer. I take it for granted and I shouldn’t. When I’m here I don’t even think about whether I’m accepted, “tolerated” or embraced.
There is a video making the rounds. (No, this is definitely not Music to Knit By.) You’ll find it below. I found it, shall we say, insightful.
Well, wasn’t that bracing! I wish I could say that was shocking or astonishing or mindboggling, but the truth is for middle-aged gay men like me, this is all old news. Sadly. These statements, and the people who make them, seem to have been around since the dawn of time.
I have no rebuttal for this “elected official” (she’s an Oklahoma state representative)–at least none that can be printed here (and I’ve printed a lot here, including things that would make a longshoreman blush). However, a high school student who lost his mother in the Oklahoma City Bombing responded to this video yesterday in a very thoughtful letter, which was picked up by several local news stations. The response is a bit long, but I can’t bring myself to hide any of it behind a link. So please bear with me.
Rep Kern:
On April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. 19 children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would’ve likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.
That terrorist was neither a homosexual or was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn’t live up to them pay with their lives.
As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worst than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind of doubt you’ll find one of them that will agree with you.
I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a beautiful, wise, and remarkable woman she was. I miss her. Your harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you told me that my mother’s killer was a better person than a group of people that are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.
As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong.
You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they’ve been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman that was here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?
I’ve spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen, however, many gay students beat up and there’s never a day in school that has went by when I haven’t heard the word **** slung at someone. I’ve been called gay slurs many times and they hurt and I am not even gay so I can just imagine how a real gay person feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of your students?
Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection. They looked scared. They’ve already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. Afterall, you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.
I wish you could’ve met my mom. Maybe she could’ve guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.
I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be here to watch me graduate from high school this spring. Now she won’t be there. So I’ll be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no intentions to ever return here. I have no doubt that people like you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more people again. I don’t want to be here for that. I just can’t go through that again.
You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you something. The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Well, your words hurt me. Your words disrespected the memory of my mom. Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.
Sincerely
Tucker
I think that says what needed to be said, and by just the kind of person who needed to say it. If this kid had a college fund, I’d be donating.
61 Comments Add your own
1. ccr in MA | March 13th, 2008 at 7:49 am
The video is, well, disturbing if not surprising. The letter is great! And I for one don’t bat an eyelash when you refer to your boyfriend. Why should I care about the gender of your significant other? It hardly affects your ability to write, or knit!
2. textillian | March 13th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Tucker’s response is the best response that I have read. Thanks for posting it.
3. Emily | March 13th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Thanks for posting this response letter to that crazy OK rep. My girlfriend and I moved from OK to NYC in part because we just could not live around this type of craziness anymore. We watched the OK public libraries face compulsory removal of children’s books about gay families. I marched in the pride parade past loud, aggressive protesters who seemed to truly believe that they had more right to be on this earth than those of us walking past them. For the most part, I don’t have to worry about this kind of stuff now, but these thoughts are not gone from the world. Luckily, there are also compassionate people all around.
4. Amy | March 13th, 2008 at 8:34 am
I’m not gay (so what) and I live in Oklahoma. I hope you know that her opinions are not the opinions of the average Oklahoma citizen.
5. Nichole D. | March 13th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Wow. That’s pretty fucked up. Major kudos to Tucker for his letter. Thanks for sharing, Dave.
6. david_demchuk | March 13th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Thanks everyone! Amy, I’m especially glad to hear from an Oklahoman, and to know that Rep. Kern is not truly representative of the average person from her state. I’m sure she’s probably a nice person to someone, and is sincere in her beliefs, but she is so poisonous in her rhetoric that it frankly scares me.
7. Sarah T. | March 13th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Wow. I found your blog from an amazing article you wrote for Knitty. I’m glad you’ve posted about this issue, although perhaps a few of your readers will be silently offended and stop reading (what a loss, eh?). Thanks for sharing about this incident.
8. Dave | March 13th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Thank you for sharing this. I had seen the video — well, forced myself to watch it, more like — but not the letter from Tucker.
I continue be amazed that there can be much ignorance in this so-called “information age.” I have never been able to understand how a heart filled with so much hate can justify couching their poison in the name of Christian love. The battle wearies me so, and it is indeed a battle against this type of Christian soldier. I have chosen to feel sad for Ms. Kern; if she would only open her mind, she would see the world through a much brighter light.
Tucker: Congratulations on a well-written letter, and also for not allowing your heart to become blackened by your loss. This is indeed a case of the student having something to teach the teacher.
9. Laura Sue | March 13th, 2008 at 10:32 am
David, your paragraph #1 is no surprise. I always keep reading. You never cease to challenge, surprise, touch and inspire me. I had just read your Knitty article, then this video; and am so saddened by those ugly opinions. Thank you for putting yourself out there, even though I can’t begin to imagine at what cost. Thanks to the Oklahoman who responded from her state. Now let me say that those opinions voiced in the video and from those people about you and your knitting don’t represent those of this straight woman. They shame and embarrass me.
10. Ryan | March 13th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Great article. As an Oklahoman (I live in Tulsa), I was especially disgusted. The fact that this woman got a standing ovation from fellow Republicans as she entered the house was even worse.
I hate the fact that she’s going around claiming “freedom of speech” and is now being made out to be the victim. I won’t deny she has freedom of speech, we all do. But she’s an elected official of the people, some of which are no doubt gay and lesbian. As such, she has an obligation to use her words responsibly.
I kind of hope she is scared. It’s these idiots that never fear for their safety while the gay community lives constantly aware of their surroundings and the tolerance level of those around her. Maybe if she loses a few nights of sleep she’ll think before she spews such hatred.
11. Alyssa | March 13th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Rock on Tucker! People disgust me sometimes, especially conservative christians. I’m conservative and a christian and I hope I am nothing like this woman. It makes me ashamed to call myself either of those things. It isn’t 1950’s the world is evolving and changing to what I hope will be a better place filled with tolerance and respect for others. People like the one featured here are only slowing down the process. We’re all people no matter want we do or believe we should all be treated with respect. I think these are rules of life that should have nothing to do with partylines or religion. I hope other follow in Tucker’s footsteps.
12. Cheryl | March 13th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Thank you for including the letter from Tucker. He said what I have thought many years about the hate filled speech coming from the christian right. And, like you, if there was a college fund somewhere for him I would definitely donate.
13. Charissa | March 13th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
As a Christian, I’m deeply ashamed by people who judge others in such a way and do it in the name of God. That’s God’s job not mine. My job is simply to love the people around me and worry about my own life.
You should see people’s faces when I casually mention something about my “dad’s husband.” That gets a fun reaction. That or when people ask if my parents are remarried, I mention that yes, they are both remarried, but I like the guy my dad married much better than the one my mom married.
14. Angie | March 13th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Hmm, I, too wish Tucker had a college fund. We need more people like him. I need to somehow compose myself and go back to work.
15. marjorie | March 13th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
That is a seriously disturbing video. And an excellent letter. My bosses are lesbians. In my workplace are people in various other relationship styles; some are married, some have partners, some are single. All of us are totally respectful of the personal choices our co-workers have made, although they might differ from our own lifestyle. I kind of thought everyone was pretty much okay with this, it being 2008 and all. I thought tolerance, love and respect was the order of the day now. But apparently I was wrong. That women got stuck somewhere back in the 60’s.
“Recruiting 2 year olds…” Where the hell is she getting that crap from?
16. marjorie | March 13th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Oh, I meant to say “woman” not “women”, in my comment. I also wanted to say something about camera cables. I’m glad you found yours. Mine disappeared off the face of the earth a few weeks ago. I ended up replacing it with one of those toaster thingies.
17. Angela | March 13th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.” ~Mark Twain
The woman in that video totally takes the cake for the most asinine speech EVER. A disease? And it’s spreading? To the two-year-olds who are being indoctrinated? By the Gay-Straight Alliance? It is so obvious that she doesn’t have a ******* clue what she is talking about.
18. Steph F. | March 13th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Your base of loyal readers apparently could not care less about your sexual orientation. You’re an amazing writer, knitter, music-recommender.. and you know what? That’s what’s important. The gender of your partner is just part of who you are. It’s not something to be vilified or feared. It’s just you. I don’t even know if that makes any sense, but know that a lot of people just coasted by the first paragraph, and all of those people support you.
19. david_demchuk | March 13th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I know, Steph–and I greatly appreciate you all.
20. karen | March 13th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
David.
I can’t even bring myself to watch the video but I thank you and your readers for the thought-provoking and important discussion here. Tucker’s letter filled and broke my heart at the same time. What an amazing young person; so wise.
I’m so glad to be part of your little knitting circle on the web.
xo karen
21. Kirsten | March 13th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Thank you so much for posting this letter. Tucker has so eloquently expressed the word and thoughts that were on my heart after hearing the hateful comments by Rep. Kern.
22. Rachael | March 13th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I hadn’t been able to listen to it yet, not until now. It was so much worse than I thought it would be. SHE GOT A STANDING OVATION? I’m horrified. And Tucker is right on the money. Thank you.
23. Jolynn | March 13th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Wow. The ignorance and intolerance of people amazes and frightens me. How can this woman, who has power in government and should be setting a good example, say things like this? How can she say that homosexuality is worse than terrorism?! It makes me sick. Sure, we have free speech in America, but to use it in such a way that could bring harm to others is just wrong.
The letter that Tucker wrote gave me goosebumps. I am glad he chose to stand up and speak!
24. RuthieJ | March 14th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Gosh, I don’t even know what to say……I’m just sitting here shaking my head. Obviously “The Golden Rule” doesn’t apply to gay people.
It’s sad to think that in the 21st century there are still so many narrow-minded people here in the US, who hide behind their so-called “Christianity” and spout this kind of bullshit! Well, I could go on for hours about this, but I won’t……
My best knitting friend in the world (Don) is gay and he’s a great person.
I’m sorry David, that this kind of stuff is out there. I guess all those diversity classes people are supposed to take at work and elsewhere just haven’t done any good.
25. Lisa | March 14th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Wow, I started listening to the video and got chills from her misguided, ignorant words. I guess some people simply cannot see beyond their own, hypocritical, up-turned nose, and it’s so sad.
The people who actually standup, speak out, and put their own positive words out there to counter words like hers fuel my own hope. Thanks for sharing all of this.
26. Tallgrrl | March 14th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I hope that letter somehow finds itself printed in the local newspaper.
Hell, I hope it ends up being read, aloud, on TV. On national TV.
Thank you for sharing the letter.
27. karin | March 14th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Thank you for being here, thank you for saying what you’re saying.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for posting Tucker’s response, it made me well up….I wish him all the best.
28. InfamousQBert | March 14th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
just so you know, there are some of us in texas too (not even!) who don’t agree with her or with just about anything that’s been done in the age of terror.
out of curiosity, where did you find that letter? was it posted on another website?
29. david_demchuk | March 14th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
As far as I can tell, Tucker’s letter (with an interesting bit of background) was first posted on Democracy Underground:
It’s a long link, so click here.
30. Tara | March 14th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
David, thank you for how much of your life you openly share. I appreciate it, and support your right to love whoever you do!
Thank you also for sharing - the video is sad, horrifying, and although I realize I shouldn’t be surprised I still am. Tucker has more poise at 18 than I do at 38, and crafted the perfect response to the representative.
31. Jane | March 15th, 2008 at 8:40 am
David
As I watched the video, I started to cry. As I read Tucker’s words, I had to pause many times to wipe away tears. As the mom of a man who is gay, I often get complacent that in today’s world most people are moving toward equality for all. I am obviously wrong…and sad.
This video and Tucker’s response needs to be sent to the Today show or some national publication. This should be exposed on national news.
David, thank you for all that you do. I enjoy your fun blog entries about knitting, and Knitty articles and appreciate your poignant entries about your life and the world we live in.
32. Diane | March 15th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Tucker is wise beyond his years. I’ve no doubt that his mother would be proud of the man he has become.
33. Sandra | March 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Hi David !
Message from a little “froggie”
I was glad to discover your blog by Knitty website, and now I read the last post, and wanted to thank you for sharing it. In France what we see about Usa in the last years are the more reactionary ideas, like we can hear on utube. I know it is not all american people who think like that, that’s why it’s good to read all the comments about your post.
Personnally I don’t feel sad for this “Kern”, I feel rage, and I fight against these nauseatings ideas that exist here too…
Glad to have found a man “who knits” bye !
34. Rachel | March 15th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Thanks for sharing that letter - what an amazing young man! As for the video… words escape me.
I am happilly and proudly teaching my two year old and five year old that homosexuality is a normal part of the continuum of human love - and if people like Ms Kern want to call that ‘indoctrination’ then I’ll cheerfully admit that acceptance and love are doctrines that I’d like to live by. (I’m also teaching them to respect Islam along with other religions, which I guess puts me totally beyond the pale!)
Oh, and David, I’d say you can be confident that you’re embraced rather than tolerated! Keep up the fabulous blogging!
35. Kimberly from Some Bunny's Love | March 15th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Oh my gracious. I could not stop bawling my eyes when I read Tucker’s letter. Thank you for sharing it with us. And yes, if he has a college fund, please let us know! Prejudice is something that needs to be stamped out with kindness and strength.
Bunny hugs,
=:8
36. Tara | March 15th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I was born in Oklahoma City and now live in Tulsa. There have been many times in my life when I have been ashamed of my state, but this is the first time I’ve cried from the shame. Her opinions are certainly not the opinions of everyone in my state, but they are way too common.
37. CBEntr | March 16th, 2008 at 2:39 am
I found this on a Michigan forum…WOOD-TV Grand Rapids and Michigan. It was posted by Elizabeth from Oklahoma City. An Elizabeth from Oklahoma City also posted the original Tucker letter. I was on that board when the original letter was posted. I copied it and emailed it everywhere that night.
http://www.topix.com/forum/source/wood/TSG5B8P35IEIR7IMS/p122
From Elizabeth, Oklahoma City, OK
Wednesday Mar 12
I want to thank the kind words that you have given my nephew Tucker about his letter. I want to thank the person who published it on its own website at http://www.geocities.com/lettertosallykern/
The letter is gaining national attention. Tucker was contacted by producers from the Ellen show wanting him to come on the show and read his letter in front of a national audience, since Kern has barred the delivery of the letter to her office. So please be watching for that
38. Iryl | March 16th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Thanks for sharing Tuckers letter. I admit I shed a few tears reading his letter - and he is so young still. I’m sure that he will be a great writer in the near future.
39. Sarah | March 16th, 2008 at 11:21 am
It’s great to know Tucker will probably get an airing on TV too. In the UK she would never have been allowed to express those views in public, but I’ve heard some extraordinary comments from people who should know better (well that’s anyone really, isn’t it?!).
I enjoy your blog and your column in Knitty. Why would who you share your life with change that?
40. Jenni | March 16th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I’ve seen this video making the rounds, so I couldn’t watch it again. It makes my stomach turn. But I love the letter you attached! I have a 9 year old son. I also had an uncle who died recently of AIDS related issues. He was one of the most special people in my life, and I miss him more than you can imagine. But - my husband and I consider ourselves so lucky that our son was able to know him at least a little bit so he could see what a selfelss, giving person he was.
The fact that he was gay has always been irrevlevant to us, and it makes me sad that it’s so scary to other people. Please don’t take people like Sally Kern seriously, although I know it must be difficult. Anger like that always comes from fear. Just know that there’s people out there who aren’t afraid, and they are young and intelligent and going out into the world, like Tucker.
41. Emily | March 16th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I just came back and re-read the comments here, and I would delete what I said earlier if I could. I didn’t mean to make Oklahoma sound like a terrible place, and I apologize to Amy for coming across that way. I only meant to speak to my experience of living there. I had a lot of supportive people around me, but I also had experiences of abject homophobia. I’m sorry to offend; my comment was written in a moment of emotional response.
Thanks again, though, for the original post.
42. david_demchuk | March 16th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Oh Emily, I think we all understood that, including Amy. But it’s very thoughtful of you to repost and clarify. I too hope that no one’s been offended by anything in this thread–apart from Rep. Kern.
43. Ed | March 17th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Hi I received a link to your blog from Ted & linda. I also am a gay man living in Kenora Ont. Your blog is very informative.
I really did’nt think that there was this kind of hatred out there.
Hopefully she is one of the few.
44. pamelamama | March 17th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
help! I’m being assimilated by your gay agenda of thoughtful self-reflection and love of knitting! help help!
(sigh. mumble. shake head.)
45. minnie | March 20th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
unbelievable. what a bitch. it makes me cry to listen to her. i’d be ashamed to have her represent my district. maybe this will create a will in the district to vote her out. we can get so lucky
46. Kate | March 20th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
wow… I didn’t realize I was ruining my life by going to a common ground meeting.
47. WeeBit Wonky | March 23rd, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I am sure Jesus weeps when He hears these hateful words that are spoken by those who proclaim to follow Him. I do not know what words to say to you other than forgive us. I am a Follower of Christ. Because of hateful, ignorant “christians” I find myself ashamed to admit that I am one. That is not right. I will not deny whom I love. Please know that not all Christians are like this woman.
Do Justly. Love Mercy. Walk Humbly.
48. Jessica | March 27th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
I’m a little late to this discussion, but that video was just shocking. Kudos to Tucker for his letter and for you posting both items. I wish this sort of ignorance could be stamped out. Small moments like this make me happy I live in Canada; we have our ignorant types but people would never applaud such a hate mongering politician.
I’ve enjoyed your knit like a man column in Knitty, David. I hope you come back to it again!
49. Sarita | March 29th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Man, I knew that was going to be from the South. It’s very heartening to me, at least, that some southerners/Christians wrote in to denounce the kind of hooliganism the video reveals. (I knew knitters were good people) The Crazy Mean People shouldn’t be allowed to speak for the rest of us!
Keep thefaith - the faith in people and hardcore knitting. I have to say, that pancho at the bottom of your Knitty post is just about delicious.
50. Jackie | March 31st, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Dear David: thank you for sharing this young man’s letter. I don’t watch the news or read the papers, mostly because I just can’t bear to know about the bad things every day, so I hadn’t heard about this woman. Shame on her, terrorism is about violence, evil, and hatred. Being gay is like being blonde (no offense or joke intended) or brunette or blue-eyed or brown-eyed. It just is. My best friend, Mark, is gay, and after knowing him for many years while he tried to prove he was straight, he finally told me he was coming out, but that he hesitated telling me because I might not want him around my kids. We had the best laugh because my kids and I always knew he was gay and talked about why he still tried to date women. Keep knitting, David, and keep enjoying it. People just have to look for something to criticize or remark about because of their own insecurities. Hell, I’ve had people yell at me because I’m “showing off” when I read and knit at the same time. I have some of the best baby patterns in the world, I’d be glad to share with you.
51. Sheri | March 31st, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Wow. Did I ever get an education here today! I was simply looking at Knitty when I read your article, fabulous by the way, when I ended up at your blog. I read about you knitting for you boyfriend and thought how lucky he is to have you knit for him, then I listened to that video from Hell. I can’t believe that came from an educated elected official. I know that I should never be shocked by people, but I continue to be. I have always said that I accept all people and everyone has rights and freedoms. No one is WRONG, until they say that they are better than someone else, that is wrong. Plain and simple. Keep knitting and loving, that is what is good in life.
52. Chloe- Scotland UK | April 4th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Oh my. That woman really needs to see a shrink!
Whether some one is gay or not doesn’t determine his or her lifespan!
It saddens me that she thinks that it is acceptable to call people “gays”. So what if you love a member of the same sex, love should be celebrated, not hate.
Homophobes are afraid of love and hate the fact that there are others that are proud to say who they love out loud.
It shouldn’t matter whether you are gay, lesbian, straight or transgendered; as long as you are happy in being yourself then you are set for the world.
And it really shouldn’t matter if a child is being adopted by a same sex couple as the child will still be loved and will grow up with an understanding that any kind of love is allowed between two people.
I could go on forever here, its a subject I have alot of views on
Chloe
53. Kathy Herzog | April 7th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Even though I have been “out” since the late 80s and married to my partner of 20 years just last year I still find myself shocked by this State Rep.’s words (sometimes confronting prejudice is like GroundHog Day–every time is a brand new experience) The whole thing makes me want to stay firmly planted in Massachusetts (although Canada looks good sometimes). I’m new to your blog (but old to knitting) and enjoy it…I wish some men would join our knitting/spinning group, and I wish we could all manage to be more accepting and less judgmental of each other. Loving kindness would be nice. Silence does equal death…Knit on…!
54. Kathy | April 8th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
My reaction to these unselfconscious and openly homophobic statements always remind me of that movie Ground Hog Day–same content time after time, and I am always stunned in my surprise and gullibility that people can wield that much hate! This person’s beliefs verge on paranoid psychotic ideation.
I recently came upon your blog on the Knitty site, and my partner/spouse and I got a good chuckle over your most recent entry–the one I am commenting on is more sobering. Selfishly, it makes me even more glad to live in Massachusetts, and be protected by rights that most other same sex couples in this country do not enjoy. However, Silence does equal Death, and it is no good resting on the laurels of same sex marriage in only one state. I’m straining to connect this with the subject of knitting, but this connection eludes me. Thanks for posting this You Tube recording on your blog.
55. Kim | April 8th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Like so many others I found your blog through Knitty. I find your writing to be touching, funny, and insightful. Thank you for posting both the video and Tucker’s response. My best friend is gay and is from Oklahoma. He grew up in a small town close to the Texas border. He grew up with this kind of thinking in his culture. He was convinced Jesus would make him straight if he just believed hard enough. His wife knew he had “feelings” toward men but thought through Jesus they could overcome these “unnatural instincts” He had the “love the sinner, hate the sin” message in his Church. He hated himself for being gay. (He is now married to a wonderful man) Unfortunately, in this day and age people like Rep. Kern continue this message of intolerance, fear, and hate. It is a modality of thinking I cannot wrap my head around because I dont understand how someone can live their life with so much hate and anger in their heart. David, I enjoy your blog and none of your readers care what you do in your bedroom just so long as you are loved.
56. Cadi | April 16th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Glad I found your blog!
57. Andres P. Nevarez | April 17th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Great Video and the letter is even better. That’s right, NOWADAYS you have to watch what you say because we will post it on the internet so that Everyone can hear what you said. Thanks you for Posting this
Cheers
Andy
58. Jake W | May 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Wow, as someone from Oklahoma, I’m shocked by this speech. I love Oklahoma, and could never imagine staying away for to long, but this is tuerrible. I never thought I’d hear somthing this crass, and rude. I’m straight, conservatice, and Christian. Even though we all don’t agree, shouldn’t we love each other, not despite of our differences, but through them. God bless!
59. david_demchuk | May 16th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Oh yes, Sally Kern’s a charmer–and she’s still at it. (http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/article.aspx?articleID=20080515_16_A5_spancl887904)
I have to admit, I have no idea what “special rights” gays and lesbians are seeking. My understanding is that they/we are trying to get the same rights as heterosexuals. Nothing special there.
I’m also fascinated by this whole “changeable” thing. As someone who has a South Asian Muslim boyfriend, let me tell you, I’ve met many many men (and a few women) who would give anything or do anything to change their sexuality. For them to be discovered by their families or communities means derision, shunning, exile from their loved ones, access denied to their children and, depending on what country they’re in or from, imprisonment, torture and death.
Sexuality is not changeable–at least not in the way that she is asserting. Homo- and heterosexuality are established before birth or very shortly after. Being gay is not a “disease” that can be cured, it is not a “disorder” that can be treated, it is not a notion or a whim. It is what it is.
It is possible for someone like me to marry, to have children, to live in a community that accepts me at face value, to go to a church and pray to a God that I’m told hates the me that I hide deep inside–hates me the way everyone around me would if they knew the truth. That is not “changing” your sexuality. That is denying your sexuality.
It is also possible to experience one’s sexuality as a growing, changing thing that may involve experiences with the same gender or the opposite gender. One can even have sustained relationships on this basis…but, generally, once the relationships are over, the compass needle returns to the direction of its main attraction. This doesn’t mean that homosexuality is changeable any more than heterosexuality is. Individual encounters, even individual relationships, do not necessarily reflect the spectrum of one’s sexual desires and actions.
There are very few truly bisexual people–that is, people who are equally attracted to both men and women, and who can have satisfying sexual and emotional relationships with both genders. Usually, you’re attracted to one gender more than another. And that’s the big clue.
So: sexuality–not changeable. But there is something that can be changed that can help resolve all this tension, frustration, anger and hatred. Bigotry is changeable. You’re not born with it. You don’t acquire it within weeks of your birth. It takes years to develop.
But the good news is, it’s reversible. It’s a disease that can be cured, it’s a disorder that can be treated. All you have to do is change your mind.
60. Camille | June 19th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Being raised in East TN and Penecostal christian, this hatethink still makes my stomach churn and breathing shallow. As the child of a miserable, closeted gay man and the sister of wonderful confident gay brothers, I fight for ALL of us to have those rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thank you David and your partner for your eloquence and candor. The awesome knitting tips are also priceless.
61. Sewnsew | June 20th, 2008 at 12:52 am
I’m a 45 year old lesbian and it is the same kinda stuff we hear over here, too. It is frightening.
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