Happy Mother’s Day.
May 11th, 2008
(Women who are pregnant, breastfeeding or easily irritated should refrain from viewing the accompanying YouTube clip.)
As an internet mother, I have an inkling of how difficult it is to care for your children and to love each of them equally. We all have our favourites, but it’s best to keep this to ourselves and restrain ourselves from giving them the most food, the newest clothing, priority access to the washroom and the preferred seat in the minivan. Too much of this and the other children will suspect something. (Especially if they have to cook their own food, darn their own socks, sew their own clothes out of burlap and sleep in what used to be the coal bin.)
I know it seems like I’ve been neglecting you, but really, I’ve been showing you the best kind of love an internet mother/blogger/artist/activist can: the I’m-taking-a-little-break-and-you-can-fend-for-yourself kind of love. The kind of love that says, “Hey, so you cut your finger off opening the rusty old tuna can–so what! It builds character! It keeps you on your toes! It makes you more resourceful! You didn’t need all those fingers, and all that blood, anyway! And who said you could eat the tuna in the first place? Did you ask? Did I say yes–in writing??”
See? I’m putting you first. Because I care.
Besides, no news is good news: everything I was knitting before, I’m still knitting, in between bouts of medication-induced narcolepsy. (And I said these drugs weren’t any good for anything!)
I looked at some potentially enjoyable mother’s day videos but when I eliminated everything that was potentially offensive to someone (i.e. mothers), I was left with, um, nothing. I did miss Cinco de Mayo, however, that totally inauthentic but otherwise enjoyable celebration of the great contributions that Hispanics (a completely made-up word) have made to our lives. I present for you now a brief taste of the U.S.’s appreciation for Mexican-American and Latin American culture and arts. Enjoy, and as my many Spanish-speaking friends say, “No tengo ninguna enfermedades!”
10 Comments Add your own
1. Steph F. | May 11th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
ohh.. those little rat dogs make me shudder.
One of my professors once said something to the effect of, “If it weighs less than a loaf of bread, it’s useless.”
2. Suzy | May 11th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Why oh why oh why?
3. david_demchuk | May 12th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Because there just aren’t enough little singing racial stereotypes around these days. What’s next, pitbulls in blackface?
4. bronwynn | May 14th, 2008 at 2:46 am
Oh. My. God. How far can we sink? Militant gerbils?
5. dawn | May 14th, 2008 at 11:28 am
oh good lord. sadly, my kids will WANT to see this.
6. david_demchuk | May 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Bring an iPod. And an eyemask. And a thermos of sour apple martinis.
7. angelina | May 17th, 2008 at 2:39 am
i especially like the nod to traditional headdress…worn by singing, talking dogs.
as a woman of mexican descent, I feel especially honored and appreciated by this movie; y’know?
8. david_demchuk | May 17th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
The whole thing is so offensive on so many levels, it’s difficult to count them all. Plus it will be like being trapped in the world’s longest Taco Bell commercial.
If the choice for your five-year-old is between this and Grand Theft Auto IV, I’d say it’s GTA all the way.
9. Elizabeth | May 20th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Cinco de Mayo is real. The holiday commemorates the victory of the Mexican army over the French in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862 (Mexico was eventually overrun by the French). In the Southwest, it’s evolved into a Mexican pride holiday (and a Mexican appreciation day for us gringos).
And yes, the chihuahua movie looks frightening.
10. david_demchuk | May 20th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I meant the gringo celebration part when I was describing it as ‘inauthentic’–though now that I’ve seen the Horror of the Chihuahuas trailer, even Taco Bell look like a paragon of verisimilitude.
The Mexicans against the French?? Clearly I was away from school that day!
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed