
You know something is wrong when Zhao Yun, the courageous warrior that struck fear in the Three Kingdoms Era, strikes more fear in me due to the large boobs in sight.
Due to the fact that I am very spiteful that many of my favorite historical/fictional heroes have been mutilated into lolis, MILF and huge breasted bishoujos, the second series I am going to blog will be Koihime. It is also known as the show with no between, because it is either that the females are flat and short, or that you can actually use the boobs as a footrest.
Anyway, we continue the story where Guan Yu and Zhang Fei (there is no way I am going to use the Japanese names for the characters) decided to have their jade flower agreement and conquer all the different assortment of fighting big breasted bishoujos/MILFs and DFC lolis in this world. When you catch them all, this collection of an all female harem will result in the most powerful brothel of the world: Romance of the Three Koihime-crap.
Next harem target: Zhao Yun, one of the five tiger generals, who has turned into another cleavage bouncing blue haired bishoujo.

This is not Diao Chan. I repeat, this is not Diao Chan. This is actually Guan Yu, the red faced warrior of righteousness and loyalty beautified. I wonder if how historical fans of RoTK will take to this bosom.
So, our happy sworn sisters vowed to find a master that is worthy of them, but in actual fact, they just want to collect a harem filled with the goodness of China. As usual, it is perhaps hard for them to fathom that they need a certain thing called a guy in order to somehow attract the opposite sex.
Nonetheless, this anime happily ignores the fact about a heterosexual relationship and simply plugs everyone in the RoTK world into girls so that they can sell more merchandise than Kanon (dream on). The director also assumes that all girls are somehow hard yuri toward each other, which is why the alpha female, Guan Yu, is portrayed in her greatness.

What? I have transformed into a huge blob of boobs without any brains? Arghhh! Guuurgh!
They stumbled onto a place where they found a detestable man guarding the gate to another harem member. Guess who this courageous stupid imitation koihime crap woman was?

Fire in the hole! No pun intended.
So, they find their harem member in the form of honorable fighter Zhao Yun. Blue haired, huge boobs, they will definitely create a fury of terror with lecherous men. Now, when will we have an onsen episode where everyone will share some random bath and have stupid ecchi scenes?
In the historical text, Zhao Yun was a young officer that is under Gongsun Zan.

No, I am not here to steal your only harem member!
They randomly came to this town and was called up by Gongsun Zun to an audience. There, they fought hard mentally as Gongsun Zun knew that her only harem member was about to be stolen. Without huge boobs or a DFC loli trying to pierce her spear and creating tons of drilled holes, Gongsun Zun knew that her days of seeing a huge chest every week were numbered.

Yes, I want you. Since Gongsun Zun has no personality, huge boobs or DFC, she is unwanted by me.

Interesting. So, you like my huge boobs. How can I be sure that you are worthy of it?
Zhao Yun was unsure about the strength of the two and decided to challenge Guan Yu. As usual, they got to stretch out the episode for this haughty behavior. I mean, seriously, will you think Gongsun Zun has any chance of cockblocking… wait, they are women… Awkward. Well, anyway, you know what I am trying to say.

You are right. I will make sure you are convinced with my womanly curves.

Come on! Strut your stuff!

No way I am allowing you to monopolize screen time! Considering that we will have tons of women in this series, there is no way in hell that I am not taking over the screen time for the first few episodes before other viewers find cuter lolis to love!

For your insolence, I am bursting your silicon bags!
I am really tired of the many portrayals by modern day RoTK-themed anime and drama that portrays Zhang Fei as a drunkard that knows only brute strength. If you notice, all modern interpretations of Zhang Fei shows him or her in this case as a character that only knows how to scream and shout, and attacks with sheer barbarian strength.
Yes, Zhang Fei is a very strong warrior. However, in historical text, he was known to be a scholar that had a keen interest in drawing and artistry. In fact, from historical evidence, it could be speculated that Zhang Fei was an avid scholar of poetry and enjoyed writing poems while sipping his wine after a battle.
Of course, in this anime, Zhang Fei just wields her weapon and wildly attacks. When Zhang Fei got frustuated by Zhao Yun, she wanted to use her special move (charged enough power as usual for Musou) but was stopped by Guan Yu as Guan Yu wanted to show her love instead.

Can you see my red hot passion of love to you? JOIN ME NOW!
Guan Yu simply stole there and started to show her aura. It is said that the real Guan Yu had an aura that can intimidate enemies easily. In the novel (fiction), there was a scene where Guan Yu was circled by Sun Quan. After he was killed by overwhelming forces, he continued to stand tall without falling on the floor. No one from the Wu faction dared to get close to him for 4 hours in fear of being struck down by this proud warrior.

Gongsun Zun knew she lost. Owned.

Hmm… you are so good…
After Zhao Yun verified Guan Yu’s strength, they decided to hide in a wagon and be captured by the bandits in order to enter their lair. Of course, due to their huge boobs and asses, they were unable to bring any weapons in the small wooden container. No, I am not lying about this because this is what they exactly said for lacking in weapons. They only have a small dagger as a weapon, so you can clearly tell how much space their freaking boobs took.

Yes, it took that much space in the wagon.

Hahah, random woman A’s boob always has to be big. My god, this is really “the show of no between”

How dare you take my commoner harem member!
They infiltrated the camp and found that the bandit leader was about to sexually assault one of the villagers. Guan Yu, being the impulsive retard that did not remember that her weapon was not around as her boobs was so big, charged in to take her harem member.

Let’s grab these harem members and run! Wait, why are there little boys too?
Hint: It starts with T, and ends with P.

Look at how long this is!
Anyway, they found themselves at a dead cliff end. As usual, the deus ex machina plot comes in, as Zhang Fei somehow finds them, chops down a tree without any effort and makes a temporary bridge to them. Their commoner harem members were now slowly transported into the brothel of RoTK.

Yes, more screentime. Shower your attention to me please!

Let’s make some holes!
As expected, the two kicked ass and demolished the bandits. After that, Zhao Yun decided to leave with the two. She explained that Gongsun Zun had the heart but did not have the ability to unify China.

I am the General of Baima, feared by no one but dumb barbarians!
Gongsun Zan is one of the warlords in the northern part of China during the Three Kingdoms era, and he wa famous for his white horse cavalry. It is known to strike fear during one of his attempts to eradicate the barbarians at the near proximity of his stronghold. Actually, the white horse cavalry was not exactly famed, but it is because the barbarians have huge respect for white horses. They considered them to be sacred and refused to kill such pure beings.

I was really just tsundere for you, Guan Yu.
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Comments (30)
[…] boobs in sight. Due to the fact that I am very spiteful that many of my favorite historical/fictionahttp://that.animeblogger.net/2008/07/19/the-koihime-art-of-war-page-2-zhao-yun/Long-seething rage erupts in wife’s slaying, flames Minneapolis-St. Paul Star TribuneFirefighters […]
hell fire sex added these pithy words on Jul 21 08 at 5:23 amI believe there is a really old japanese animation of RoTK and it was rather serious about it.
The Sojourner added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 10:45 amI’ll never be able to look at the Guan Yu deity figure at my house’s altar the same again.
Shin added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 11:16 amOh man, despite my respect for the Three Kingdoms novel, I still like the women in this show. Though, as someone once mentioned, all the warriors of the Three Kingdoms must be turning in their graves.
Panther added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 12:11 pmTurning? They’re spinning fast enough to overpower the Three Gorges Dam…
*horror*
Skane added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 1:12 pmWTH is MILF??? @_@
13sugars added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 6:02 pmMILF = my ill little fairy.
i dropped this show after the first ep. I’m aware the backstory used for this has a lot of merit, but the girls…they have no substance D:
Tmoo added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 6:17 pmThis show is awesome. I’m not even disturb by the boobs anymore.
Loose up Impz, there’s no good in being conservative.
Your warlords have been upgraded.
Koihime Musou is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Lesbian Zhao Yun is lulz worthy. It seems loli Zhuge Liang will show up pretty soon too.
Yamcha added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 7:23 pm@The Sojourner: It is just an adaptation of the novel, which romanticizes many characters. The biggest and clearest thing is how they always make the Shu faction look like the heroes and everyone else becomes a freaky evil force. That is something that I feel is a gross disfavor for the historical characters, particularly Cao Cao who is a visionary in his many actions during his conquest in the North. There is definitely a huge bias in most modern day portrayals, and I always hope to find a more refreshing adaptation when they look at all the sides equally.
@Shin: Well, they are both still wearing green if that helps at all. Honestly though, I really hate this adaptation of “Guan Yu”, if you can call this boobiful woman who is as impulsive as a whore ready for sex. My god, I think Guan Yu will be crying in his grave with all these lame adaptations of a historical warrior famed for his ability to think rationally.
@Panther: TRAITOR! Blasphemy! I can forgive this part, since I am hardly caring over the Shu faction. I have always admired the many strategies of the Wei faction during the north conquest of Yuan Shao (when Yuan Shao is much stronger and more reputable than Cao cao). In particular, if I remember correctly, Guo Jia’s quick thinking to make a blitzreig to hit Yuan Shao before they can be prepared is just god damn amazing.
@Skane: Or that they can turn so much that they can spin to hell before going back to heaven.
@Extrange: And you hater of decent adaptation.
@Tmoo: NO, THERE’S NO BACKSTORY. I refuse to admit that ROTK is used as a backstory for this. It is just some bastard child of an eroge that is actually the original source of this anime. I think the whole point of this show is to give you as many fetishes as possible. It will bring you everything you want …and fap?
@13: I tell you later when you come online.
@LDC: NO, THEY ARE NOT UPGRADED! They are …well if you consider boobs to be an upgrade, they can technically be considered so. However, NO, THEY ARE DISGRACED BY SUCH A PORTRAYAL!
@Yamcha: Ya, in this episode, when they start comparing the size of their pearls, I simply just facepalm.jpg. In addition, when they kept making that lame recurring joke about a very pretty black haired bishoujo before realizing that she is not as pretty as expected, I gave up. Lame shit.
Nonetheless, it’s so bad that it’s good. Wait for my constant flaming of this series and some historical/novel backdrops.
Impz added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 8:38 pmMan, just when i finish watching Three kingdoms : Resurrection of the Dragon and basking in the awesome in which was Zhao yun/Andy Lau, my heart stops and dies when i see what my hero is reduced to.
Also where the heck is Liu Bei.
@Ex: In the game, the main character is Liu Bei (a guy) who conquers all the girls by sex. I will wonder how they will be slaughtering the plot, but I doubt that they will allow Liu Bei to appear. That said, I cannot care less about the Shu faction, so they can butcher it as much as they want. Oh, you watched that show?
I do not have a chance to watch it but I always enjoy the Chinese adaptation of the story since it is generally more accurate and less bullshit from the Japanese adaptations of the story. I am not being an arrogant punk but it seems that Japanese animation tends to butcher the chinese culture of ROTK all the time by building on extreme stereotypes and romanticize many details that has a Hollywood flavor to it.
Zhao Yun made me love. Freaking Yuri character. Wait til you see Huang Zhong and loli Zhuge Liang. Or tsundere Cao cao. Or…*tries to stifle laughter* Diao chan.
Impz added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 9:29 pm@Impz: Well one of the dissapointing things about the movie was that it was not very accurate to the correct historical side of things, but i guess they did this to try to make it into a good story. Although it didn’t really bother me, it was still a good movie.
I also don’t really like Shu, they had some of best Generals though. I don’t have much love for liu Bei either.He couldn’t even raise his own spawn/child right and in the end it becomes the downfall of everything, it says something about his genes compared to the Cao or Sima or the Sun family.
Ex added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 9:42 pm@EX: Well, the thing is that I am never that mean to stories that attempt to give a different twist to the story. To me, I simply care for a proper respect of the original source. That is why I am generally partial to various Chinese adaptations. They might exaggerate some parts of the story, such as the extreme valor of the Shu faction, but they try to portray historical events as it is and not butcher the entire plot.
One of the Taiwanese manga (drawn in the style of serious Japanese manga) is “The Ravages of Time”. It is one of the few manga in ROTK that has a very interesting portrayal of all characters. They never take sides and make every character multi-dimensional. Liu Bei, in this manga, is virtuous but also realizes that it is a weakness of him and adapts properly when things have happened. Another interesting twist is that it is at the perspective of Sima Yi and Zhao Yun, which I felt was a refreshing take on the highly adapted novel.
I do think that the thing about having the best generals is because of the overly romanticized stories by Luo Guanzhong, the most famous novel based on the historical facts of the Three Kingdoms Era. That is what most people know about this significant history of China, through the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
I think that Liu Bei is overly portrayed as a kind ruler. I do not think that he is in the blame for the poor rising of his son, as he died too young to take charge of his kid. It’s a huge pity, but I do not think he should be blamed.
Impz added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 10:24 pm@Impz: I’ve also read the manga The Ravages of Time, and i have to say they do portray some of the characters in a very different light than others. The fact that they even had a portrayal of the Kid Emperor when Dong zhou was in power struck me as a very original. My only criticism of the manga would be that its spending a lot of time in the early stages of the three kingdoms Era, and since this story seems to revolve around Sima Yi, it will take a long while to get through everyhing.
One of the major reasons that, i personally, think that Shu is said to have some of the best Generals is because that Guan Yu became a wide know Deity through China this elevated shu’s generals and also Liu Bei’s position as the Elder Brother and virtuous Leader. This is also one of the reasons why a lot of people always put Shu as the saviors of the people and Cao Cao the greatest Evil known to man.
Althought there is almost no historically acurracy in the game, Dynasty Warriors, i can’t help but admit that the game has swayed my opinion on some of the characters (Such as Zhao yun and Cao pi)which makes Liu Bei the most righteous thing ever since…the last Righteous thing ever.
Regarding his son, regardless of whether it was because he was man-handled by Zhao Yun as a child which caused permanent brain damage or (acording to the book)the fact that his dad tossed him aside which caused permanent brain damage. When Liu bei died his Son was 16 years old, in those times he was virtually an adult and given the life style he lived, its was Liu Bei’s fault for not steering him in the right course.
Ex added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 11:15 pm@EX: Actually, there has been constant dispute whether Liu Shan is really the useless child that he is. If anything, some historians have argued that Liu Shan inherited the people’s skills of his father, and feigned weakness as the Shu faction was already a much weakened force by the incisions by Zhuge Liang and Jiang Wei.
Before you completely dismiss this argument, let’s see it from a few of my own opinions. If Liu Shan is really an useless ruler without any care about anything, even if he is pardoned, he would have probably sent his family and household into slaughter eventually. The fact that his household is safe and sound for a few generations might indicate some wisdom on his part, in order to manage the two differing factions of Li Yan (I think) and Jiang Wei after Zhuge Liang’s death.
The thing about Zhao Yun that caused permanent brain damage is generally folklore, if you ask me (the romanticized version). I cannot verify that, and I will need more information on it.
About the Ravages of time, I think that the kid emperor is rather impressive. Of course, he knows that he will be a puppet to whichever ruler that he goes under, but at least they fleshed him out as one that knows how to protect his kin while being ruled by Cao cao for the Han dynasty. I think it did take a long time but the most current book, book 30, is already at the point where Cao cao is about to go for his northern conquest of Yuan Shao. I am more than excited to see how Chen Mou goes about his writing.
I agree with you on Shu’s popularity by the common people. It is rather true. Dynasty Warriors is an over exaggeration of everything, but it does make Liu Bei the most righteous being ever in the world. No comments on that, rofl.
Impz added these pithy words on Jul 19 08 at 11:46 pm@Impz: Its really hard to say if what Liu Shan did was really a brilliantly concieved ploy to throw off his enemies, or just purely coincidental. You bring up a good point he did infact keep his household safe, but that can also be atributted to the fact that the Sima Zhao was more merciful than his blood seems to indicate.
Now before you can say that Liu Shan tricked Sima Zhao by acting a fool, lets not forget that he was the son of Sima Yi and the father of The Emperor of China. It can be said that he was not a foolish man, i’m sure if Liu shan was indeed putting on an act to trick him, Sima Zhao would at least be suspicious. However he paid no heed to him and his family because he analysed Liu Shan as an idiot and went on to conquer china.
But in the end its all speculation and opinion, really after all the main players of the Three kingdoms passed away my interest in the history went with them.
The Zhao Yun brain damage thing was just a joke
altought it could of potentially answered some questions if it were true.
Also in Ravages of time, i wish they spent more time with developing Zhang liao’s character. He’s one of my favourites and the manga makes him out to be Teh Awesome as well.
Ex added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 12:19 amThe journalist’s instinct kicks in for Impz!
Anyway the beauty of RoTK does not lie in telling the story of good vs. evil because it was never one in the first place. It is a clash of great minds in the midst of China’s chaotic past and what makes it so awesome is the irony that none of the factions, despite each of them having so many talented people, succeeded in unifying China. And that is because Little Queen Ranka was the one to rule them all. Kira~
The Sojourner added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 12:43 am@Impz: Well one of the dissapointing things about the movie was that it was not very accurate to the correct historical side of things, but i guess they did this to try to make it into a good story. Although it didn’t really bother me, it was still a good movie. I also don’t really like Shu, they had some of best Generals though. I don’t have much love for liu Bei either.He couldn’t even raise his own spawn/child right and in the end it becomes the downfall of everything, it says something about his genes compared to the Cao or Sima or the Sun family.
Ex added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 12:45 am@Ex: Oh, in the ravages of time, my favorite character is actually Zhang Liao too! I think the manga really makes him a very interesting character. On one hand, he can be vicious and devious in his means to get rid of his enemy. Yet, he is loyal to Lu Bu no matter what bullshit he pulls.
That, I feel, represents Zhang Liao completely in his faith and a little blind loyalty. I feel that despite the intelligence of Sima Zhao, he might have hastily judged Liu Shan since it is in fact the split of the Shu faction from within that results in Deng Ai and whoever to demolish them easily. In that case, it is very easy to assume that Liu Shan is no danger to his throne when Liu Shan probably knows that it is the beginning of the end.
Anyway, ya, it’s all speculation.
@The Soujourner: NO, IT DIDN’t! I think Diao Chan needs to conquer them all. Now, I really cannot wait for her…*cough cough* appearance in this anime. i am getting ready to burst into total laughter here.
Impz added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 1:05 am“Due to the fact that I am very spiteful that many of my favorite historical/fictional heroes have been mutilated into lolis”
Strike Witches’s Charlotte Yeager (and few of the characters) is confusing the hell out of me… so you are not alone…
@EvilDevil: I do not even want to watch that show when Shokkeru told me it’s all about the panties with lolis. Gee. I am watching and blogging it just to bring hate. More like a chance to talk about ROTK history and point of interests.
Impz added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 3:09 amI went to look up the game because my interest peaked when impz mentioned about Diao chan. While going through the list i saw Zhang liao and thought to myself “hey s/he looks kinda nice.” then i deflated with unhappiness when i remembered that he was a man, and the image of the dynasty warriors version of zhang liao popped into my mind.
Moving along something else caught my eye, something else that was not like the others indeed. I tried to look away but my eyes were caught, and were lost forever.
Indeed Diao chan needs to conquer them all. In fact im sure that she… is the only one with with the, uh, balls to do it.
Ex added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 3:24 amStrike Witches is NOT all about panties with lolis, the panties shots took 2 seconds of the show totaly and peopels still focus only on that.
So yeah, the show is about lolis. In panties.
Koihime - proof that Japan hates China? Or a miserable excuse for an wrote in the style of Utarerumono?
Haesslich added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 10:07 amI think my head’s spinning. Reminds me of Ikki Tousen.
Ominae added these pithy words on Jul 20 08 at 10:44 pm.. an eroge-strat game in the style of Utawarerumono, even. Danged small keyboard.
Haesslich added these pithy words on Jul 21 08 at 12:36 amIf they wanted to be successful like Utawarerumono then they should of added in a male lead, since Hakuoro,in my opinion, made the show.
Ex added these pithy words on Jul 21 08 at 12:41 am@Ex: If anything, the entrance of Diao Chan will result in an increased and unprecedented level of success for this show in my opinion. I mean, everyone likes a beautiful girl. Yes, Diao chan is very darn hot.
@LDC: Yes, just as having boobs in a show is not about it. Honestly, they are trying to make a feministic movement about the portrayal of boobs as a mother-like trait in women. In addition, the usage of many women who are well equipped to fight is to show that women are just as likely to be as strong as men who looked down on them, and still look hot and sexy and … I can’t go on anymore with my good conscience.
@Hasselich: And I never bothered with that show. That said, it never bothered trying to be ROTK. So it escapes my attention.
@Ominae: Oh, Ikki is more boob/panties all the time. It is comedy and …boob/panties.
Impz added these pithy words on Jul 21 08 at 2:44 am
